time to forgive… (bubur story)

This midnight monologue is killing me somehow..
by realizing something means hurting myself again in different ways…
but, i feel no remorse, not at all!, it is only becoz i know,
that, this is the concequences that i must take in my life..
eventhough the pain is almost unbearable,, i know it’ll never kill me..
it’ll only goin’ to hurt me, though, it is already does..
well,,
it doesn’t mean that i’ve give up already..
but sometimes, all you need to have is only a shoulder to cry on..
to let things that you need the most in your life,
slip through your fingers..
and just continue your life after that..
and accepted that you’ve already lost,
but knowing that you’ve lost without losing you sanity and your rationalty..
hmmm..
i know, and i realize it, eventhough that i didn’t like the way this event happens,
i must admit it, that this experience makes me whole lot stronger and smarter in many ways..
and also, fundamentaly built my maturity..
for me..
eventhough its soo hard, and sometimes hate to admit it,,
it is bcoz of her quality, her personality, just bcoz the way she is..
‘i love her..’
and i’m sure, that i don’t wanna lose her, not without a fight!
but its all too late for now…
and now…
for me, after all that happens, all those deniying, all those cruciating
moments of understanding and accepting..
here we comes to an end…
tonight..
i forgive her..
and the most important is,
i forgive myself…
for what have passed behind…
no revenge motivation, nor time rewinder’s doraemon wish left..
only laugh…
and laugh that is all we’ve got left..
huhhuhu…
this is the biggest disappointment in my life, though..
this is the ultimate lesson including the ultimate jokes in my life either…
so,,
nasi sudah menjadi bubur!
mari bersama kita menyantap bubur tersebut…
seraya tertawa…
menyembunyikan tangisan di dalam dada…