Funny this feeling hurt me this deep. Lost my tongue, my head, and my friend, only for thing that only few who cares. Now? I’m just a guinea pig, trapped in a moving treadmill, asking for a break. Still, anybody care? No one. Even to scream “FUCK YOU ALL!” seems so useless and embarrassing. Hhh.. Forgive all my faults then, to all of you. Never meant any harm at all. It was just me. Alone.

The Nothingness

maybe i am nothing
maybe i am something in an empty box
can’t find a reason at all
why?
for what?
i’m standing here?
still cruciating with the same question
again and again
that kept me moving in circles
with various confusing answer
eventhough, i know,
guessing is the easiest way to ease the pain
but it didn’t give me peace
and strengh
right now,
it is not the silent that i hate
it is not you
it is not me ‘maybe!?’
it is the other question
am i something?
or am i nothing?
just an useless memory of your past
do i have a meaning?
or do i left you with nothing?
just a ghost passed in your way
this is not what i wanted to be
this is why i keep taking my pills
this is why i still crying in the middle of the night
it is when i realize that
the most important thing that i lost, when i lose you
is not you
it is me
i’ve lost myself
and sadly
it is not because of you
it is because of me
it is because
i dont have my own ‘me’ before
i’m drowning in ‘you’
but foolishly proclaim that it is ‘me’
God, i’m tired of this shit!
but hey!
maybe this is one of your mysterious ways in controlling the universe
maybe i should work it out more
 to find my own reason
 to find my own meaning
 to be a real human
maybe i should have more belief
 that i’ll find another ‘you’
maybe. not maybe!
it is a MUST!
this is my final thought
i miss you
least that i can say to you
thanks, for those magnificent expirience
i wont forget it forever
goodbye
i’m alone now, and i have to accept it…

 

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